


I didn't want to fall in love with anyone but you, dear

by Scarleystars



Series: Outwitting Bond [1]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: 00Q - Freeform, Bond is not ready for Emotional Dealings NOPE, M/M, Manipulative!Q, Sex though sex is fine, percieved onesided attraction, troll!Q
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 19:11:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarleystars/pseuds/Scarleystars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Q is the greatest actor on earth, and he's managed to fool 007 AND get his equipment handed in all in one piece. It's been far too much fun in the process. Poor Bond didn't know he'd been played, until suddenly he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I didn't want to fall in love with anyone but you, dear

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from Telling Time by The Avett Brothers. It's appropriate because the song's general meaning is about putting up with someone who's in love with you. -It's not a direct translation but whatevs.
> 
> I couldn't help the ending, they just ship themselves. It's hard to stop 'em.

Q has spun many convincing lies about why he joined MI6; from conspiratory whispers about keeping a twin brother -a dream thief- from the eyes of the secret service, to twinkling eyes admitting being recruited by M personally after hacking into the servers one day, to a fantastical tale of two siblings both far too intelligent for their own good, not knowing of the existence of their younger half-brother and the anonymity of MI6 keeping it that way, to sighing, and saying the salary of a tech wizard had nothing on the excitement of being able to regularly build things that explode, legitimately. 

His favourite though? Was the one that got Bond out of his hair (and messing with Q-branch's experiments) for a glorious two months.

 

* * *

It started like this; Bond had picked up a habit somewhere down the line of spending some of his downtime hanging around Q's computers and generally Getting In The Way whilst summarily being inappropriate for the workplace. Whilst the banter  _was_  refreshingly amusing by virtue of being not in the least boring (boredom was Q's arch nemesis), and if they were the last two people on earth Q wouldn't put up more than a  _token_  protest at the thought of sleeping with all that experience and muscle poured into a suit with sapphires for eyes. But Bond's presence was beginning to distract some of the more fanciful interns -they were  _sighing_  instead of working-, and if nothing else Q was determined to keep performance levels above 80%.

So when Bond finally popped the question, the one  _everyone_  had asked him at some stage since he'd become Q, completely on the spot Q knew  _exactly_  how he would play this one out.

"It's not an interesting story, really." 

He let himself colour slightly, as if embarrassed, and tried to avoid the subject for a while, but let Bond butter him up, making Bond believe he was getting the truth.

"Well, you see. I was young and naive.." Bond rolled his eyes when he thought Q couldn't see. "And I was playing around with the CCTV cameras around London, and I caught sight of a commotion." He could tell he had 007 hooked. "There was a chase, a fast car, and a motorbike with a suited man sans helmet on it. Blond hair and the bluest eyes I'd ever seen through a pixelated screen. And... well... it just so happened that I kept catching 'commotions' with that same blue-eyed man connected to them for the next few years." He made sure to fidget, and up the blush in his cheeks just that little bit more. Act every bit the infatuated novice. "It took me a while to track down what organisation the man was from, and even longer to find out his name... and by then, I.... just wanted to  _meet_  him. To see if he was as spectacular in real life." Q filled his eyes with as much devotion as he could possibly muster and stared straight at 007. The reaction on the agent's face would keep him amused for decades. He was barely hiding his alarm, and said something that he must have thought was smooth and suave, before making a very swift exit indeed. 

Q checked on all the security cameras that Bond had actually left the building before he broke down into heavy laughter.

Over the next two months, Q had only to make the slightest hint of puppy-dog eyes at 007 and the elder man would go a sort of greenish-grey colour. It was too amusing for words, and plus, as a sort of ' _I'm sorry I can't like you the way you seem to like me_ ' prize, (much to his delight) Q was gifted with barely dented equipment, and Bond paying much more heed to his instructions mid-mission.

* * *

Of course it had to end sometime, and end it did, when M took pity on the confused and terrified Bond, and got Moneypenny to show him Q's file. The next day when Q got home there was a furious Double-Oh agent waiting on his pea-green couch. 

Q took his time; of course his sensors had informed him the moment Bond had set foot within fifty feet of an entrance (any of them), and he'd had to manually override the protocol that would have left him with fried-double-oh before Bond attempted to touch the window, much less the floor on the other side. Q reinstated it as soon as the window was closed however. It wouldn't do for Bond to get cold feet and try and leave early. 

"About time you caught on, Double-Oh-Seven." he remarked as he entered through his front door.

James was already on his feet and snarling, having had just enough time to work himself up into a big rage. "Thought it was funny did you?"

Q smirked, "absolutely." Bond was clearly Not Expecting That, if the way he blinked was any indication. "Two months!" Q crowed "two months of Double-Oh free experimentation time, and practically all my equipment back in one piece! It was decidedly worth it." Bond tried to work himself back up but Q interrupted him "Oh do calm down Bond. You of all people should know better than to be taken in as simply as that." He crossed the room to his drinks caddy, (ingeniously disguised as a potplant) and poured them both two fingers of the finest Glenlivet he could afford. Appeased with good scotch, Bond mumbled "Should have been an actor, Q. You're certainly convincing enough when you want to be." to which the slim Quartermaster replied "but then who would guide your silly arse through missions and stop you getting killed 90% of the time?" Bond chose not to reply, and just sipped at his whiskey instead. After a minute, he stirred out of his thoughts "Why'd you keep the real reason a secret?" he asked.

Q smirked again, "because I find it useful to cultivate many opinions about me, and usually it ends up with everyone underestimating what I can do, and frankly, and I prefer it that way. Besides. In the world of exploding pens, super-spys, martinis, shaken not stirred, and code that could topple countries, telling everyone that I got scouted from university and worked my way up from lowly intern just doesn't have the same ring of drama to it, does it?"  
Bond snorted in amusement. "I suppose not.  
The silence dragged on, until Q let out a small sigh. "It's getting late, Double-Oh Seven."  
Bond blinked and stood up, adjusting the line of his suit that probably cost more than anything non-digital in Q's flat. "Right. I'll see myself out then?"  
Now it was Q's turn to roll his eyes. "Unless you'd prefer to stay?"  
Bond looked at him with those eyes that had peirced many a heart. "But what you said was a lie."  
"Yes."  
"So this is-"  
"Really Bond, you are not without charm at times, but sadly this is not one of them." Came Q's exasperated reply. He finished his drink and set it upon the table. He could tell even without looking that Bond's gaze was assessing. He relaxed on the sofa deliberately; tilting his head back to show the smooth line of his throat.  
"Enjoying yourself there Q?" He could feel the tension rising throughout the room. The heat between them was becoming delicious.  
"Fantastically. Stay or go, Bond. Either way I've had some amusement today." There was a seventy percent chance Bond would stay. He was counting on it.  
"I suppose I owe you some torture in kind." mused Bond from his position across the room.  
"Of course," said Q with a straightface and monotone "I've been a very naughty boy."  
Bond growled. "I am going to take you apart." He moved -finally- across the room. Q very much approved, hissing a pleased yes and letting himself enjoy Bond's experienced ministrations; smiling to himself. It looked like the evening was going to go as planned afterall. 

Q: two, Bond: nil.


End file.
